Accidental Suicide
Accidental suicide,Was my death in vain?
No no that can’t be true,
Am I psycho, so insane?
It may have been an accident,
But it’s better now that I’m gone,
They may be sad now,
But I promise not for long,
Soon they’ll forget,
I’ll be nothing, not even a memory,
When asked they’ll say “Riha who?”
They won’t remember my existence, name, or even me,
Now I sit here trembling,
The razor in my hand,
Trying hard not to cry,
So much I don’t understand,
Why does everyone hate me?
Am I really that bad?
My suicide will be forgotten,
“It’s nothing more than a fad”
But I assure you; it’s not it,
This isn’t a fad,
Maybe now you’ll believe me,
All you do is reprimand,
I carve “I’m sorry” into my arms and legs,
This is my way of letting you know,
That even though I was a bitch,
I had care for you that didn’t show,
Please forgive me,
I know that this is wrong,
But the world is better without me,
This was needed all along,
I thrust the blade into my arm,
I thrust it into my wrists,
The pain may be immense,
But the razor blade I kiss,
After so much blood has flowed,
I know that I am dying,
My “accidental” suicide,
My letter keeps me lying,
They will never truly understand,
The pain of staying alive,
For them it may be easy,
But after all I’ve done I find it hard to thrive.
If I Died Tonight
If I died tonight,Would anyone care?
Because as far as I can see,
No ones even aware,
Sure they know I'm a cutter,
And once, they did care,
They even stopped me from committing suicide,
But I know those thoughts just aren't there,
My dad called me a psycho,
My sister calls me a freak,
My friends don't show the same interest they once did,
And inside I'm so incredibly weak,
I'm not going to lie to you,
They talk and ask, "What's New?"
But can they just not see,
That soon my life might be through?
If I died tonight,
How long would it take to forget my name?
School, friends, family, and fun,
I'll just be another picture on the wall of shame,
If I died tonight,
Or maybe that "if" should be a "will,"
As I lay on the bathroom floor,
Blood from my wrists will continue to spill,
Would my dad still think I'm a psycho?
Will my sister still call me a freak?
Will my friends completely lose interest?
Or would they stay up, unable to sleep?
Will I commit suicide,
If things keep getting worse?
How long will I be able to stand,
On life's cruel course?
I keep sinking into the dark,
Alone more and more,
Still I do cut,
I can't even answer "what for?"
I've become so very interested,
I keep staring at my wrists,
My mind keeps calling,
For that razorblades kiss,
How long can I keep this urge,
Down at bay?
A time will come when I will give in,
And suicide will come my way,
If I died tonight,
Would you even care?
Because as far as I can see,
You not even aware..
A Cutters Final Thoughts
I wish you could help me,But it's too late,
Unsure of anything,
I'll meet my fate,
I tried and tried,
But my mind's too strong,
What was it I've done,
That made everything seem so wrong?
I did my best,
Talked to anyone I can,
But no matter what,
Death my mind would demand,
As I cut with a razor,
I'd shake with fright,
Because in my heart,
I knew it wasn't alright,
But it wasn't enough,
My mind demanded more,
Blood to be spilled,
On the bathroom floor,
I just want out,
Of this horrible nightmare,
To slit my wrists,
Was something I thought I'd never dare,
But I guess I was wrong,
Because every night,
My mind wants me to slit,
To wrong a right,
Please just tell me,
What is it I've done wrong,
My life's turning out to be,
Sadder than "Brians Song,"
Suicide's always in my mind,
It won't leave me alone,
I even had the guts to tell it,
To the counselor on the phone,
I don't know what it is,
What's wrong with my life?
Why do I always have the urge,
To end it with a knife?
I'm trying to hold on,
But I don't know how much longer I can stay,
Before I'm overwhelmed by this urge,
Before suicide comes my way,
I wish I didn't feel this pain,
Or had these thoughts to die,
I feel as if I'm going crazy,
I've even stopped asking why,
But to wish isn't enough,
That's why I have to go,
Hiding it so well,
So it'll never show,
I'll try my best not to end it,
But there's no guarantee,
That I won't be overwhelmed by this urge,
The next time it comes to me...
